i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
