Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
