This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
