too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
