my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
