True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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