Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
