Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
smell my finger.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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