dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
