capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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