my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
