i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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