I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
