I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
