Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize