im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
