Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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