You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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