i think my tv is drunk
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Houston, we have a blender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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