I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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