You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
