And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This is my gift to your gina
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
