Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
