i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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