there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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