we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
