Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
