I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
