i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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