The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
