Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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