Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
