Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
