And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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