she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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