Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
