My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
