somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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