he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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