dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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