Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
