well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
