Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
And then he peed in my hair
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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