is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
