I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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