You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
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He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
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That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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