Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
