If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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