I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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