Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
