I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
