Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
