if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We got so high we made milksteak
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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