Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
