I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
