508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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