Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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