Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
