I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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