His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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