Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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