god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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