I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
