You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
