got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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