There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
