sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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