Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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