So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
