i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
