she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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