Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
