Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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