She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
