This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
