I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
