Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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