On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
