I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
