Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
