Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
