Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
