I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sorry about my life...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
