I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
