i don't like sucking hair
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
