Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
